


it's scientifically proven that 99% of superheroes are queer

by mysticpendragon



Series: the fam group chat universe [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack af, Everyone is a gay disaster, F/F, F/M, Group chat, M/M, Pure Crack, Twitter, references to other fandoms - Freeform, references to other fics in the series, the CHAOS HAS COME, the apocalypse is disregarded
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22622725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysticpendragon/pseuds/mysticpendragon
Summary: PotatoGunGay: i’m morosexualYeeterParkour: i thought you were gay?PotatoGunGay: you’re so stupid, i’m taking my shirt off
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Series: the fam group chat universe [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1622644
Comments: 6
Kudos: 175





	1. cute boys > the apocalypse

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my chaotic mcu gc/twitter fic!! just a few notes to keep in mind:
> 
> 1\. there WILL be references to my doctor who gc fic (and later, to other gc fics). there are also a few cameos from doctor who (like in this chapter, missy from doctor who) and references to events from doctor who. they won't make sense if you're not aware of them, but they're irrelevant to the plot  
> 2\. context for the beginning of the fic: the current storyline for the dw gc fic revolves around a worldwide invasion of aliens known as daleks and cybermen. new york has been invaded – this is where the gc fic starts. as the fic progresses it will be less impacted  
> 3\. infinity war?? who's that??  
> 4\. riri and harley are iron heart and iron lad, respectively  
> 5\. thIS WILL BE CHAOTIC AF HAVE FUN

**_< PeterParkour created the chatroom:_ ** **Gayvengers Assemble** **_>_ **

**_< PeterParkour added TonyStark and 6 others>_ **

**scarletwitch:** aND I OOP-

**TonyStark:** this chat is a mistake

**scarletwitch:** you were a mistake

**TonyStark:** i know, thanks for reminding me

**PeterParkour:** mr. dad stark sir… no

**SteveRogers:** Wow, thank you for creating this group chat, Peter! This will be very wholesome.

**PeterParkour:** eww why do you text like a 101 year old

**PeterParkour:** oH WAIT

**SteveRogers:** I feel slightly offended.

**BlackWidow:** This is nice and all but the Earth is still being invaded by the Daleks

**scarletwitch:** not relevant

**SteveRogers:** Earth invasions are highly relevant!

**PeterParkour:** yeet

**TonyStark:** lmao we’re all safe here

**PeterParkour:** imagine if thanos had survived and did his little snap to wipe out the daleks

**scarletwitch:** lol imagine if thanos had survived and did his little snap

**BlackWidow:** lol imagine if thanos had survived

**THEMIGHTYTHOR:** LOL IMAGINE THANOS

**TonyStark:** lol imagine

**ClintBarton:** lol

**BruceBanner:** why am i getting so many notifications what is this

**SteveRogers:** It’s our wholesome fam group chat, Bruce.

**TonyStark:** did you just call us fam??

**TonyStark:** don’t call us fam

**SteveRogers:** :-(

**PeterParkour:** mr. captain america bitch sir no one says fam

**SteveRogers:** Language. And aren’t you too young to be calling people female dogs?

**PeterParkour:** arent you too young to be alive

**THEMIGHTYTHOR:** SISTER SNAPPED!!

**ClintBarton:** must you yell

**THEMIGHTYTHOR:** I AM NOT YELLING I AM SPEAKING IN ALL LOWERCASE

**BruceBanner:** thor honey that’s uppercase

**PeterParkour:** honey?? im sOFT

**TonyStark:** yall im dying,,, there are fucking window shop dummies walking in the street. what bizarre ass shit is this

**Tony’s gay science kids**

**YeeterParkour:** yALL LOOK OUTSIDE

**PotatoGunGay:** i swear if you’re twerking on patrol again i will have to put on my armour and kiss the fuck out of you

**IronAce:** harls i will literally fucking turn off your suit if you do that

**PotatoGunGay:** w HY

**YeeterParkour:** bITCH we’re in the same room look the fuck outside!!

**PotatoGunGay:** oh wait you are

**SmarterThanU:** dumbass

**PotatoGunGay:** stop offending me

**IronAce:** girls girls stop fighting

**Vizhun:** Oh look the apocalypse

**Lesbula:** again?

**YeeterParkour:** literally why is anyone surprised

**ActualQueen:** this is new york, this shit happens daily

**PotatoGunGay:** lmao remember those metal ghosts

**IronAce:** weren’t we like 7 when that happened

**YeeterParkour:** bRUH THAT shit WAS FREAKY I STILL GET NIGHTMARES ABOUT IT

**ActualQueen:** why is shit lowercased

**PotatoGunGay:** i don’t question my bf’s antics why do you

**GayInTheChair:** he is irresistibly mysterious

**YeeterParkour:** lmao what will we do if the daleks/cybermen/dummies get in

**PotatoGunGay:** yeet ourselves at them

**IronAce:** harley…… no

**dp:** No let him the author will just bring him back

**ActualQueen:** everytime i think i’m used to his antics he says this weird shit

**IronAce:** wait why are you even still here you’re not a kid

**dp:** because spidey likes me and so do the readers

**YeeterParkour:** spidey does not like you i do

**PotatoGunGay:** i’m morosexual

**YeeterParkour:** i thought you were gay?

**PotatoGunGay:** you’re so stupid, i’m taking my shirt off

**IronAce:** eww

**YeeterParkour:** excuse me bitch who has the higher iq

**ActualQueen:** me

**YeeterParkour:** true, true

**Twitter**

**spider-man says trans rights** @yeeterparkour

yeah it’s the middle of the apocalypse and all but i need to prove to @potatogungay that i’m not stupid

|

**eat the rich** @TonyStark

@yeeterparkour impossible. you both have the same iq

|

**not the one who likes sontarans** @potatogungay

@TonyStark wait seriously

|

**eat the rich** @TonyStark

@potatogungay yes

**America’s Ass** @captainamerica

Would just like to think @spy-duh-man for creating such a wholesome chatroom environment for us.

|

**the sexy bitch** @heymissy

@captainamerica why do you talk like a 101 year old

|

**spider-yeet** @spy-duh-man

@heymissy tHAT’s WHAT IM SAYING-

|

**eat the rich** @TonyStark

@captainamerica stop saying ‘wholesome’

|

**America’s Ass** @captainamerica

@TonyStark Wholesome.

**i has long snek** @lowkeyloki

why is everyone panicking?? this is like our third apocalypse this week lmao sksksksksk

|

**THOR** @THEMIGHTYTHOR

@lowkeyloki WE ARE PANICKING BECAUSE IT IS THE APOCALYPSE AND WE MAY ALL BE KILLED BY THESE “DAHLECKS”

|

**i has long snek** @lowkeyloki

@THEMIGHTYTHOR you’re literally a fucking god why are you screaming like a little girl

|

**spider-man says trans rights** @yeeterparkour

just sit back and enjoy the chaos bro 💗❤️♥️

|

**i has long snek** @lowkeyloki

ok bro 💗❤️♥️

**the gays™**

**Spooderbabs:** jsdhfds,,, boy

**Spooderbabs sent an attachment:** cuteboy.png

**TonyStarkIsntStraight:** that’s… that’s harry osborn

**GayMechanicJr:** may i remind you that i am taken

**GayMechanicJr:** hot tho

**THEMIGHTYPAN:** I APPROVE OF YOU DATING THIS BOY AND HARLEY SIMULTANEOUSLY IF YOU SO WISH

**Spooderbabs:** thanks but i’m p sure he’s straight

**Spooderbabs:** all the cute guys are

**GayMechanicJr:** tHANKS

**LesblackWidow:** whaT PART OF IT’S THE APOCALYPSE IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND??

**PottsAndPans:** relax nat i’m sure someone’s got it covered bECAUSE STARK INDUSTRIES IS ILL-EQUIPPED FOR THIS PARTICULAR APOCALYPSE AND I’M struggling to hold my cool.

**WandaWomen:** me trying to hold my last three brain cells together

**GayInTheChair:** lmao rip the world,,, such competent superheroes

**Spooderbabs:** eXCUSE ME we were talking about cute guys being straight

**GayMechanicJr:** thanks aGAIN-

**PottsAndPans:** Update: After checking Reddit, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, it appears that the apocalypse is being taken care of.

**Spooderbabs:** oh good i dont want to go outside im too busy

**LesblackWidow:** does anyone hear moaning

**WandaWomen:** yeah i think its coming from spiderlads room

**TonyStarkIsntStraight:** @Spooderbabs @GayMechanicJr stop texting and fucking in the middle of the apocalypse, it’s unsafe and uncourteous

**GayMechanicJr:** wE’RE NOT FUCKING HE’S JUST MASSAGING MY VERY TENSE BODY

**DP:** is that an innuendo, author??

**GayMechanicJr:** what the fuck?? and no

**GayMechanicJr sent an attachment:** MassageDay.jpg

**PottsAndPans:** Well don’t forget to use lube if it develops into something more

**LesblackWidow:** aren’t they like 16… ? does no one have a problem with this

**TonyStarkIsntStraight:** i’d prefer for them to not go all bunny on us, but better safe than unsafe. horny teens gotta fuck

**WandaWomen:** damn straight

**Spooderbabs:** but nobody here is straight

  
  



	2. spider-twink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SmarterThanU: perish
> 
> YeeterParkour: aight imma head out, finna jump off a cliff or smthn
> 
> dp: Honey…. no….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello random update out of the blue bc quarantine = a bit more writing time

_Three months later..._

**Tony’s gay science kids**

**YeeterParkour:** lmao guys remember the apocalypse from a few months ago??

 **GayMechanicJr:** dEAD ASS

 **ActualQueen:** was that the one with the aliens

 **YeeterParkour:** yes

 **IronAce:** Didn’t we all agree to forget that

 **GayInTheChair:** no…?

 **dp:** yeah we did but the author’s not going to show when that happened

 **YeeterParkour:** wtf

 **dp:** sorry i can’t help being this chat’s obligatory fourth wall breaker

 **GayMechanicJr:** i’m going to pretend that didn’t happen

 **Lesbula:** wot

 **ActualQueen:** anyone ever feel like kashooting some colonisers

 **SmarterThanU:** all the time

 **ActualQueen:** thank you mj ever the cryptid

 **SmarterThanU:** dealing with parkner’s shit do be hard tho sometimes

 **IronAce:** mood

 **YeeterParkour:** eXCUSE ME am offended

 **GayMechanicJr:** yall wound me

 **SmarterThanU:** perish

 **YeeterParkour:** aight imma head out, finna jump off a cliff or smthn

 **dp:** Honey…. no….

 **GayMechanicJr:** peter no

 **GayMechanicJr:** i will perish

 **GayInTheChair:** does literally no one here have their shit together

 **Lesbula:** probably not

 **IronAce:** unfortunately

 **dp:** daddy i need to pee pee

 **ActualQueen:** what the actual FUCK

 **YeeterParkour:** banned

 **GayMechanicJr:** who the fuck is the admin

 **Lesbula:** Toeny

 **IronAce:** and who thought that was a good idea @YeeterParkour ?

 **SmarterThanU:** when will you learn that your actions have cONSEQUENCES

**Twitter**

**daddypool** @dp

help i am being offended by twinks

|

 **harls** @potatogunkid

you dead ass said “daddy i need to pee pee” what were you expecting

|

 **spider-man says trans rights** @yeeterparkour

aidfhgfjs iM NOT A TWINK

|

 **make america gay again** @mjones

yes you are

**i has long snek** @lowkeyloki

Can someone explain kin culture to me

|

 **spider-man says trans rights** @yeeterparkour

have you been on tumblr again ms. loki sir

|

 **i has long snek** @lowkeyloki

Yes and I have come to the conclusion that I am a spider kin

|

 **black widow** @officialblackwidow

I came onto Twitter to get my daily newsfeed and I ended up seeing this shit

**Pepper Potts** @pottsandpans

I wish I didn’t have to specify this, but intern Peter Parker is, in fact, a twink.

|

 **spider-man says trans rights** @yeeterparkour

uhhh excuse me mrs. potts mam but wHAT THE FUCK

**Gayvengers Assemble**

**PepperPotts:** alright who the fuck hacked my twitter account

 **TonyStark:** Someone hacked your account?

 **PeterParkour:** that explains why you called me a twink on twitter

 **SteveRogers:** What is a twink?

 **THEMIGHTYTHOR:** I BELIEVE IT IS SOME KIND OF MIDGARDIAN PASTRY

 **scarletwitch:** no that’s a twinkie

 **scarletwitch:** a twink is a young attractive gay man, such as peter

 **PeterParkour:** tO THINK I HAVE BEEN BETRAYED

 **PeterParkour:** I TRUSTED YOU

 **scarletwitch:** and i oop-

 **TonyStark:** dear god this is becoming like tik tok

 **ClintBarton:** renegade

 **ClintBarton:** *aggresively nae naes*

 **NickFury:** Your attempts to connect with Gen Z are still failing, Barton.

 **TonyStark:** dear god i forgot you were in this chat

 **IronLad:** raise your hand if you think clint is cool

 **YeeterParkour:** anyone else here hear crickets

 **BlackWidow:** me

 **PepperPotts:** Changing back to the subject at had, who the fuck hacked my Twitter account

 **PepperPotts:** I’m not going to hurt you, I just want to talk.

 **IronLad:** whoever did it you finna die

 **Shuri:** wassup bitches

 **IronLad:** you mad lad was it you

 **Shuri:** no lmao

 **PeterParkour:** it was me daddy pee pee uwu

 **TonyStark:** pETER WHAT

 **PeterParkour:** yeet and i oop sksksksksksksk

 **BruceBanner:** that was physically hard to read

 **THEMIGHTYTHOR:** IT IS POSSIBLE THAT YOUNG PETER IS POSSESSED

 **snekyboi:** plot twist it was the author

 **BlackWidow:** The who

 **ClintBarton:** who’s the author

 **Unknown.Entity:** idk but they sound like a mischievous chaotic chaotic bitch

 **PeterParkour:** whoaaaa who tf are you ~daddy pee pee <3

 **IronLad:** dear god just say you’re deadpool, daddy pee pee is goddamn terrifying

 **PeterParkour:** am offended can i have an f in the chat

 **IronLad:** f

 **IronLad:** uck you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic dumb, yeet


	3. 2021 will be the year of the furries, sorry i don't make the rules x

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PotatoGunGay: boo you whore
> 
> SmarterThanU: Okay but can we all agree that Mean Girls was a cinematic masterpiece
> 
> ActualQueen: now’s not the time babe peter needs a fursuit
> 
> PotatoGunGuy: Why is this even happening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i genuinely forgot this fic even existed. anyways hello welcome to 2021 i am still a chaotic gremlin

**Private Messages**

**PeterParkour → HarleyKeener**

**PeterParkour:** a r e y ou ga y?

**HarleyKeener:** what the fuck

**PeterParkour:** let me rephrase

**PeterParkour:** d i c k ?

**HarleyKeener:** who fed you bleach

**PeterParkour:** daddy deadpool

**HarleyKeener:** go to sleep

**PeterParkour:** hmmmmm lemme think

**PeterParkour:** how aBout nOOOO

**HarleyKeener:** are you ok

**HarleyKeener:** do i need to like. sedate you

**PeterParkour:** in oke ayyyy

**HarleyKeener:** i’m getting tony

**Contact**

**old man**

**You:** tony

**You:** peter is high on bleach yeet

**old man:** What

**old man:** Harley it’s 3 in the morning

**You:** oh thats why you weren’t answering

**You:** oops :))

**You:** anyway goodnight

**old man:** You can’t just tell me Peter is high on bleach and go to sleep

**You:** yes i can bc im doing it right now

**old man:** harley

_You have blocked_ _this contact_.

**Twitter**

**eat the rich** @TonyStark

what do you do when your kid is high on bleach send tweet

|

**i has long snek** @lowkeyloki

film them doing dumb shit

|

**the sexy bitch** @heymissy

feed them MORE BLEACH

|

**oh honey no** @beehive

@heymissy ah i don’t think that’s a good idea

|

**eat the rich** @TonyStark

YOOO SAVE THE TURTLES SKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSK

|

**spider-man says trans rights** @yeeterparkour

This is @TonyStark, tweeting from my kid’s twitter account. He is high on bleach. I am turning off the Wifi

|

**Pepper Potts** @pottsandpans

@TonyStark @yeeterparkour You are a PR nightmare and I will deal with you in the morning.

**Tony’s gay science kids**

**YeeterParkour:** hypothetically speaking what do i do if i was high on bleach and accidentally sent some naughty texts to harry osborn when i meant to send them to harley

**PotatoGunGay:** naughty texts?

**IronAce:** ooh rip

**YeeterParkour sent an attachment:** Naughty.texts.png

**ActualQueen:** i wasn’t aware that “you and me. the top of stark tower. furry fight club” was a naughty text

**SmarterThanU:** lmao

**PotatoGunGay:** omg

**IronAce:** Well obviously you show up to the furry fight club

**Lesbula:** sorry but what is a furry

**Lesbula:** i know what a fight club is but not a furry

**PotatoGunGay:** have you seen zootopia

**Lesbula:** yes

**PotatoGunGuy:** they’re all furries

**SmarterThanU:** emotionally insecure rabbit furries will take over the world one day

**ActualQueen:** mj what

**YeeterParkour:** GUYS HELP HE SAID YES

**PotatoGunGay:** oH WELL NOW YOU HAVE TO GO

**SmarterThanU:** where are you going to get a fursuit from

**YeeterParkour:** ehh i’ll just use the spider suit

**PotatoGunGuy:** bruh he doesn’t know that you’re spider man you dumbass

**YeeterParkour:** oh

**YeeterParkour:** yeah

**dp:** May I offer a suggestion

**SmarterThanU:** no

**ActualQueen:** no

**GayInTheChair:** hi

**GayInTheChair:** also no

**PotatoGunGay:** no

**Lesbula:** no

**YeeterParkour:** sure

**dp:** Kick one of those creepy Minnie Mouse cosplayers in Times Square and come dressed up as that!

**YeeterParkour:** dude i’m literally a superhero and a stark intern i cant just do that

**dp:** Make Harley do it then nobody even knows who he is except for that kid from Iron Man 3 for the real ones and some random background actor for all the normies

**ActualQueen:** ouch

**PotatoGunGay:** boo you whore

**SmarterThanU:** Okay but can we all agree that Mean Girls was a cinematic masterpiece

**ActualQueen:** now’s not the time babe peter needs a fursuit

**PotatoGunGuy:** Why is this even happening

**YeeterParkour:** screw it i’m asking mr stark dad

**dp:** mr stark daddy-chan*

**Twitter**

**spider-man says trans rights** @yeeterparkour

yo @TonyStark i need a fursuit by midnight

|

**eat the rich** @TonyStark

@yeeterparkour what the actual fuck

|

**the sexy bitch** @heymissy

@yeeterparkour I have one that you can borrow!

|

**daddy-chan-pool** @dp

@yeeterparkour @heymissy stay in your own fic

|

**Pepper Potts** @potsandpans

@yeeterparkour You better have a reason for causing this PR nightmare. In any case, I will have a fursuit delivered to you by lunchtime.

|

**spider-man says trans rights** @yeeterparkour

@potsandpans thank you so much ms potts maam

|

**spider-man says trans rights** @yeeterparkour

@yeeterparkour @potsandpans WAIT SHIT THIS ISNT THE GROUP CHAT ABORT MISSION

**Contact**

**Mr Stark Iron Man Dad Sir Tony**

**Mr Stark Iron Man Dad Sir Tony:** Peter can we have a little talk

**You:** uhhhh im busy fixing gadgets

**Mr Stark Iron Man Dad Sir Tony:** Can it wait? This is important

**You:** is this about earlier

**You:** please don’t kill me mr stark iron man dad sir

**Mr Stark Iron Man Dad Sir Tony:** Tony

**You:** mr stark iron man dad sir tony

**Mr Stark Iron Man Dad Sir Tony:** wait did you call me dad

**You:** yes mr stark iron man dad sir tony

**Mr Stark Iron Man Dad Sir Tony:** what

**Mr Stark Iron Man Dad Sir Tony:** Anyways I just realized I haven’t given you the talk

**You:** oh no it’s okay aunt may gave it to me

**You:** also i read books about it.

**Mr Stark Iron Man Dad Sir Tony:** Not the birds and the bees talk

**Mr Stark Iron Man Dad Sir Tony:** the yaks and the yiffs talk

**You:** what

**Mr Stark Iron Man Dad Sir Tony:** Furry culture, Peter

**Mr Stark Iron Man Dad Sir Tony:** I’ll admit this came out of the blue, but with a little work we can help you find your fursona

**You:** nope no thanks goodbye i think this reactor is going to explode

**Mr Stark Iron Man Dad Sir Tony:** Peter

**You:** BYEEEEE

**Tony’s gay science kids**

**YeeterParkour:** gUYS HELP MR STARK IRON MAN DAD IS GIVING ME THE YAKS AND THE YIFFS TALK

**YeeterParkour sent an attachment:** furryconvo.png

**PotatoGunGay:** oh lord

**ActualQueen:** LMAOOOO

**dp:** pog

**SmarterThanU:** “mr stark iron man dad sir tony”

**YeeterParkour:** don’t make fun of me!!

**SmarterThanU:** you make it so easy sometimes

**PotatoGunGay:** Is no one going to talk about the “yaks and the yiffs” talk

**IronAce:** No and we’re going to keep it that way

**PotatoGunGay:** Are you furshaming Peter, Riri?

**IronAce:** I would never

**IronAce:** It’s okay if you’re a furry, Peter, there’s nothing wrong with it

**YeeterParkour:** IM NOT A FURRY

**GayInTheChair:** says the guy who swings around new york in a spider suit

**SmarterThanU:** actually that would make him a crawlie

**YeeterParkour:** hOW DO YOU KNOW THESE THINGS??

**SmarterThanU:** tumblr

**ActualQueen:** THE WAY THAT PEPPER IS SENDING PETER A FURSUIT THOUGH

**ActualQueen:** yiff yiff, bitch!

**IronAce:** SHURI ALDFJSLFJSKFFSLFG

**PotatoGunGay:** im choking

**YeeterParkour:** on what

**SmarterThanU:** PETER NO

**IronAce:** ODFIGUFDOFIVUDIFGU

**ActualQueen:** you’re all a mess

**Lesbula:** hey hens

**PotatoGunGay:** WHAT THE FUCK

**IronAce:** you startled me

**Lesbula:** sorry

**Lesbula:** what’s going on

**SmarterThanU:** peter is a furry

**YeeterParkour:** I AM NOT

**Lesbula:** Oh cool, congrats Peter

**Lesbula:** You know, Thanos was one too

**PotatoGunGay:** PeterParker.exe has crashed

**Contact**

**harryyyyyyy not potter**

**harryyyyyyy not potter:** hey are we still on for furry fight club tonight

**You:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**You:** PeterParker.exe has crashed


	4. loki dark'ness dementia raven way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuri: Is now a good time to bring up the My Immortal incident of 2020
> 
> snekyboi: quarantine was rough!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its so short, it's 5am and im sleep deprived and needed a break from writing plot for my doctor who group chat fic xx

**Tony’s gay science kids**

**YeeterParkour:** sooo. furry fight club was a success.

**SmarterThanU:** Did you get yiffed

**YeeterParkour:** MJ NO

**PotatoGunGay:** nah he didn’t honestly thank god

**IronAce:** You know MJ I was actually having a very good day

**YeeterParkour:** So what’s crack-a-lackin’ with you all today

**PotatoGunGay:** sorry i must’ve missed the memo where we switched personalities

**SmarterThanU:** side effect of being a furry

**YeeterParkour:** huh, must explain how thanos switched personalities with a piece of shit

**YeeterParkour:** oh wait he already was one

**YeeterParkour:** sorry i’m pissed about that one alt universe where we all got turned to dust and then came back from the dead only for my dad figure to die and then i end up with more trauma even though i’m just a kid and then some guy gets my trust and begins to seem like a positive figure in my life only to betray me and expose my identity to the public

**YeeterParkour:** ahahahahaha

**GayInTheChair:** peter no are you okay

**GayInTheChair:** also harley when did you change your username??

**PotatoGunGay:** chapter 3

**YeeterParkour:** hhahhah im so okay

**dp:** she is returning

**ActualQueen:** OH HELL NO NOT IN THIS MCU FANFIC

**ActualQueen:** keep that shit for the doctor who people

**dp:** okay queen <3

**PotatoGunGay:** shuri is the one and only person known to have tamed daddy pee pee

**YeeterParkour:** blocked

**PotatoGunGay:** wait nooo

**Gayvengers Assemble**

**AmericasAss:** Okay, who changed my username and made it so I can’t change it back? Asking for a friend.

**TonyStark:** probably the resident gremlin @PeterParkour

**PeterParkour:** i was summoned?

**AmericasAss:** Please change my username back Peter.

**PeterParkour:** no ❤️

**AmericasAss:** What did I do to deserve this?

**PeterParkour:** do you really want me to go into it

**AmericasAss:** ... no

**BlackWidow:** good choice

**BlackWidow:** never engage with the Gremlin

**BlackWidow:** i learned that the hard way

**THEMIGHTYTHOR:** WHO IS THE GREMLIN

**PeterParkour:** me beetch

**THEMIGHTYTHOR:** SMOL GREMLIN CHILD

**PepperPotts:** @PeterParkour I’m glad you had fun last night, but a picture of you and Harry Osborn in fursuits on top of Stark Tower was posted on various platforms last night.

**IronLad:** LMAOOO FURRY FIGHT CLUB

**TonyStark:** you better run kid

**PeterParkour:** uhh sorry mrs potts mom badass queen mum mother ma’am but aunt may is calling and i have homework so byeee

**BlackWidow:** kid can’t lie to save his life

**snekyboi:** maybe i can change that ;)

**TonyStark:** If you corrupt him I’ll kill you

**THEMIGHTYTHOR:** ACTUALLY, PETER CORRUPTED LOKI

**snekyboi:** he did not

**Shuri:** Is now a good time to bring up the My Immortal incident of 2020

**snekyboi:** quarantine was rough!!

**BlackWidow:** Whoa what was the my immortal incident of 2020??

**IronLad:** Peter forced Loki to read the entirety of my immortal

**TonyStark:** The Harry Potter fic about the emo who has a thing for that skinny rich white boy??

**IronLad:** yes

**snekyboi:** he said he was going to drink a whole bottle of bleach and blame it on me if he didn’t!

**snekyboi:** you all would’ve killed me

**BlackWidow:** Damn right.

**TonyStark:** did he drink the bleach

**snekyboi:** ... little shit drank ten packs of kool aid after i read it

**IronLad:** ah that must’ve been the day that peter proposed to me and we had a fake wedding

**IronLad:** shuri officiated

**scarletwitch:** I was Peter’s best woman!!

**snekyboi:** ... i was harley’s best man

**snekyboi:** and morgan was the ring bearer

**TonyStark:** I can’t believe my son got married and I wasn’t even there

**IronLad:** I think you missed the part where I said fake

**IronLad:** Also which one of us is your kid??

**DoctorStrange:** Best not to get into that.

**PepperPotts:** which is code for: he considers you both to be his kids but the fact that you’re dating makes things awkward

**IronLad:** Yeah you’re right let’s not get into that

**Shuri:** sweet home alabama

**IronLad:** SHURI NO

**BlackWidow:** You know, I’ve learned not to question the younger kids

**snekyboi:** yas natasha. yeet all of your troubles away

**THEMIGHTYTHOR:** BITCH WHAT THE FUCK??

**TonyStark:** gremlins the whole lot of them

**PepperPotts:** @PeterParkour I’m not angry about the fursuits, I just want to know how to explain that to the general public

**PeterParkour:** You mean you’re not angry at me?

**PepperPotts:** No, sweetie. I just want to make sure that no one attacks you for wanting to wear a fursuit.

**PeterParkour:** okay

**IronLad:** Wholesome

**PeterParkour:** thanks for not getting angry at me mrs potts mom ma’am it means a lot :)

**PepperPotts:** Of course, Peter. Just send me a DM and I’ll take care of everything.


	5. captain america psas were a crime against humanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YeeterParkour: MAYDAY MAYDAY
> 
> YeeterParkour: mr director nick eyepatch hoe fury is going to make more captain america PSAs
> 
> SmarterThanU: in that case, if anyone asks, i’ve left the country to live with my gf

**Gayvengers Assemble**

**scarletwitch:** guys stream my new series on disney+

**snekyboi:** Unfair that yours premiered before mine

**scarletwitch:** SUCK IT GREEN BOY

**PeterParkour:** was that-

**PeterParkour:** was that a minecraft youtube reference

**scarletwitch:** maybe... what of it

**PeterParkour:** You have good taste

**scarletwitch:** bitch i invented good taste

**scarletwitch:** ... that is not an innuendo

**PeterParkour:** No one said it was though...?

**scarletwitch:** Loki can get perverted sometimes

**snekyboi:** I do not

**BlackWidow:** Your username is literally ‘snekyboi’

**snekyboi:** what i like snakes

**TonyStark:** I’m trying to keep my shit together right now but I just can’t

**AmericasAss:** Language.

**TonyStark:** Can it, grandpa

**AmericasAss:** Mcxcuse me?

**TonyStark:** Oh god it got worse

**PeterParkour:** you tickled the sleeping dragon

**IronLad:** You can tickle my sleeping dragon anytime ;)

**PeterParkour:** okay

**BlackWidow:** oh my god

**IronLad:** WAIT NO PETER NOT LITERALLY IT WAS AN INNUENDO SFIGUFHDJ

**Shuri:** i hope they learned their lesson

**Shuri:** never tickle a sleeping dragon

**THEMIGHTYTHOR:** I DID THAT ONCE AND I ALMOST ENDED THE WORLD BECAUSE OF IT, SO I CONCUR.

**AmericasAss:** On pain of sounding like a boomer, kids need to show respect to their elders. I just called “Captain Piss S A”.

**IronLad:** LKDFHSFJGH

**PeterParkour:** piss s a as in psa

**PeterParkour:** bc if so then you deserved it

**IronLad:** Those PSAs were the work of the devil

**DoctorStrange:** They showed one of those at the hospital and three people quit.

**TonyStark:** f in the chat for everyone who’s ever watched a captain america psa

**IronLad:** F

**PeterParkour:** f

**snekyboi:** F

**BlackWidow:** f

**BruceBanner:** f

**NickFury:** In that case, we should make more.

**PeterParkour:** no ❤️

**Tony’s gay science kids**

**YeeterParkour:** MAYDAY MAYDAY

**YeeterParkour:** mr director nick eyepatch hoe fury is going to make more captain america PSAs

**SmarterThanU:** in that case, if anyone asks, i’ve left the country to live with my gf

**ActualQueen:** I triple dog dare you to actually do it 

**SmarterThanU:** jokes on you ive already applied for citizenship and booked a flight

**SmarterThanU:** /j

**YeeterParkour:** I THOUGHT YOU WERE SERIOUS FOR A SEC??

**SmarterThanU:** yes thats why i used a tone indicator

**PotatoGunGay:** maybe he can make a psa about how not to be an asshole

**YeeterParkour:** ehhhh

**PotatoGunGay:** or we can just cryogenically freeze him

**GayInTheChair:** Like Walt Disney

**SmarterThanU:** a sound idea, i approve

**YeeterParkour:** Just to be clear, guys, this is all a joke, right?

**PotatoGunGay:** no comment

**GayInTheChair:** Debatable

**SmarterThanU:** if it helps you sleep at night

**ActualQueen:** ill send you all the tech

**GayInTheChair:** Sounds good to me

**YeeterParkour:** omfg

**YeeterParkour:** captain america goes yeet back into the ice

**GayInTheChair:** Now that you put it that way maybe let’s not

**SmarterThanU:** ur right and i wish you werent

**PotatoGunGay:** did you just use “ur” and “you” in the same sentence

**SmarterThanU:** So what if i did you punk ass bitch

**YeeterParkour:** LMAOOOOO

**PotatoGunGay:** love is dead there is only gay chaos

**dp:** Speaking of gay chaos the Doctor Who group chat fic is about to get its final chapters out before the sequel!

**ActualQueen:** not relevant to this fic, goodbye

**dp:** Your loss

**SmarterThanU:** so we’re not freezing captain america?

**PotatoGunGay:** Maybe another day my brain is Not Willing To Work right now

**Twitter**

**spider-man says trans rights** @yeeterparkour

@captainamerica You better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out

|

**America’s Ass** @captainamerica

@yeeterparkour should i be worried

|

**Tony Stank** @potatogungay

@captainamerica you should sleep with one eye open thats how worried you should be

|

**eat the rich** @TonyStark

@potatogungay harley can you not plan a murder in broad daylight while simultaneously insulting me with your twitter username its bad pr

|

**Tony Stank** @potatogungay

@TonyStark ok boomer

|

**America’s Ass** @captainamerica

@TonyStark Is it too late to pull that convoluted time travel gimmick from the fake timeline where Thanos snapped

|

**Tony Stank** @potatogungay

@captainamerica yes

**rich ppl suck club**

**< PeterParkour created the groupchat>**

**< PeterParkour added 2 members>**

**< PeterParkour changed 3 usernames>**

**peter:** it’s for the assthetic

**harley:** your ass is my assthetic

**peter:** i know it is

**harley:** whos the other guy

**peter:** @harry

**peter:** get your ass here you skinny rich white boi

**harry:** Bitch what the fuck

**harley:** hi im harley and i want to rail spider man

**harry:** mood

**peter:** KSDHSFGSFSDJFG

**harley:** so uhh what exactly is the purpose of the group chat

**peter:** Well gentlemen we have a two pronged mission

**peter:** 1.) we must be very gay.

**peter:** also 2.) we need to get all of the avengers to agree to a furry prom

**harry:** How am I relevant to this

**peter:** gay chaos

**harry:** Valid, proceed

**harley:** peter how are we going to get the likes of black widow and captain boomer to go to gay furry prom

**peter:** i didnt say it was gay furry prom

**harry:** No lie i nearly thought “prom” was a different word that starts with a p and rhymes with born

**peter:** Pythagorean?

**harley:** thats my himbo

**harley:** also objective #1 is literally “we must be very gay”

**peter:** oh youre right

**harry:** so you think. the likes of iron man are just going to agree to a gay furry prom

**peter:** yes or else i spill the hot tea

**harley:** WHOA WHAT TEA

**peter:** three words: high school au

**harley:** ... i almost want this thing to fail so i can know the context of that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not the first """"""plot"""""" being furry prom


	6. what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh yes here

**Gayvengers Assemble**

**scarletwitch:** Guys apparently I summoned my brother from 20th century fox and now it’s a ✨ multiverse ✨

**scarletwitch:** weird how these things turn out

**PeterParkour:** what

**snekyboi:** the sheer chaos

**BlackWidow:** Summon my will to live

**scarletwitch:** nat no

**BlackWidow:** Yes

**AmericasAss:** While you’re at it summon my will to live too

**TonyStark:** the nihilism is strong in this chat today

**IronLad:** bad vibes only

**PeterParkour:** ahsgdfdshf harley no

**IronLad:** there is no joy only pain

**TonyStark:** Aren’t you a little piece of sunshine /s

**THEMIGHTYTHOR:** I TOO AM A LITTLE PIECE OF SUNSHINE

**BlackWidow:** sure jan

**THEMIGHTYTHOR:** BUT I AM

**snekyboi:** honey you’re as wholesome as the ending of endgame

**THEMIGHTYTHOR:** BITCH

**snekyboi:** i know ;)

**scarletwitch:** guys what if i accidentally summon my brother from 20th century fox in this fic

**TonyStark:** then oh no

**BlackWidow:** Do it

**PeterParkour:** miss aunt nat black widow spider aunt ma’am no

**AmericasAss:** Peter, you’re so wholesome. Never change.

**PeterParkour:** eat shit fuckass

**BlackWidow:** Language!

**BlackWidow:** haha beat you cap suck on that

**AmericasAss:** Why do I even try

**DoctorStrange:** @scarletwitch ever since the doctor let chaos rule in the doctor who group chat fic the walls between realities have been much easier to breach

**IronLad:** oh my god

**IronLad:** haha ignore that

**TonyStark:** what a weird kid

**scarletwitch:** Oh no did I make a plot happen

**PeterParkour:** probably

**BlackWidow:** if you did i’m heading out of here

**AmericasAss:** Do our lives really need a plot? Really?

**scarletwitch:** easy for you to say you’ve never lived in a sitcom

**AmericasAss:** Something is telling me to just not question it.

**TonyStark:** ok what the fuck is up with @IronLad @PeterParkour you know we can see you sneaking around right now??

**PeterParkour:** dont worry about it unless the world ends :)

**scarletwitch:** ominous much

**DoctorStrange:** Tony, you should check to make sure they haven’t been replaced by gremlins

**BlackWidow:** bold of you to assume they arent already gremlins

**Tony’s gay science kids**

**SmarterThanU:** @PotatoGunGay @YeeterParkour spill wtf are the two of you up to

**YeeterParkour:** fursonas

**GayInTheChair:** can i unread that

**SmarterThanU:** you can try

**Lesbula:** As long as you aren’t a wolf furry, I’m fine. (Thanos had a wolf fursona.)

**GayInTheChair:** tmi

**IronAce:** What’s this I hear about furries?

**SmarterThanU:** peter and harley are working on their fursonas

**IronAce:** aight it’s as bad as i thought it was

**PotatoGunGay:** im gonna be the hottest furry there ever was

**PotatoGunGay:** youre all gonna want to yiff me

**Lesbula:** eww

**IronAce:** Pls this is a good christian server

**PotatoGunGay:** since when

**YeeterParkour:** l i e s

**GayInTheChair:** I dont want to yiff you thats peters job

**YeeterParkour:** leave me out of this

**SmarterThanU:** hes your boyfriend dumbass

**PotatoGunGay:** Dont call him “a” dumbass

**PotatoGunGay:** call him “my” dumbass

**SmarterThanU:** ok captain bdsm

**YeeterParkour:** WTF IM-

**dp:** she is returning

**YeeterParkour:** fuck off this isnt fam the group chat

**PotatoGunGay:** i heard that apparently we’re gonna make a cameo appearance in the next chapter of that fic

**SmarterThanU:** yay more plots

**dp:** Where’d you hear that from

**PotatoGunGay:** the discord server

**IronAce:** Ok this is getting too meta for me, let’s not

**Lesbula:** Do I want to know

**GayInTheChair:** no

**YeeterParkour:** no

**SmarterThanU:** no

**rich ppl suck club**

**peter:** would i die if i asked wanda to help us with the gay furry prom

**harley:** do you rlly want to test that out

**peter:** i

**peter:** yes

**harry:** disaster gays

**peter:** spinoff of the doctor who space gays

**harry:** indeed

**harley:** guys what if we get a wandavision plot

**harley:** like. what if we goes through a bunch of different fic tropes

**harry:** Lovers to enemies, slow burn 50k

**peter:** college au

**harley:** canon divergence au

**peter:** w h u m p 

**harley:** did you mean: avengers endgame

**peter:** life but we’re all the whumpee

**harley:** hurt to comfort

**harry:** did you mean: parkner

**peter:** nahh we’re more friends to something to lovers

**harley:** “”””something”””””

**harry:** friends w benefits?

**peter:** SHDFSHFSHF HARRY NO

**harley:** harry yes

**harry:** dare i say it

**harry:** a/b/o

**harley:** NO

**peter:** CURSED

**harley:** we are not doing that

**harry:** how do you know

**harley:** i will nope the fuck out and then there will be no more parkner

**peter:** aww :(

**harley:** hsfhshfhdsdhf i didnt mean it that way i meant i will Revolt

**peter:** me too :)

**harry:** so uhhh. furry prom. venue?? time?????

**harry:** food????

**peter:** uhh stark tower, 4:20am, pizza???

**harley:** 420 blaze it

**peter:** should be on april 20 or june 9

**harry:** so basically its a meme

**peter:** yeah

**peter:** i mean its. furry prom

**harley:** either that or wandavision plot

**peter:** wooo

**harry:** uhh guys love how we’re all texting but

**harry:** tony stark just called asking if i corrupted you two

**peter:** oh shit

**harley:** if you dont say yes youre a coward

**harry:** oh no he wants to see me now i dont even know how to get to stark tower

**peter:** abort mission he KNOWS

**harley:** update: he’s in.

**< peter added TonyStark.>**

**< peter changed TonyStark’s name to tony.>**

**tony:** what’s up kiddos i heard we’re cooking up a gay furry prom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shameless discord plug -- https://discord.gg/ufTEdWM (its mostly for my doctor who fic so uhhh keep that in mind if you wish to join)


End file.
